Life Markers

I just came back from the animal hospital having left my cat of 15+ years to be put to sleep. It's such a nice way of saying it. Doesn't matter who you are, the overwhelming sadness of having to do this is inescapable. Ashley was very old, had a heart condition and weighed only 5 lbs at her death. It was a humane and kind act we did to prevent her suffering and I wish at this time I could be happy and celebrate her life but I cannot. Death is so final, memories are not and as I sit here writing tonight I think so much of times passage. I know this is only our cat but I remember so strongly of when I got her and how short and fast 15 years seems now. Paul Simon said "After changes upon changes we are more or less the same" . Things have changed so much in 15 years for me. I mean holy crap, look at those grandkids! Our pets are part of us, we raised them, fed them, cleaned up after them, and shared parts of ourselves not meant for others to know. A quiet afternoon in the garden surrounded by lima bean plants and shared with Ashley who hadn't a clue how nice the moment was.

This time is passed. Another marker behind me. I think any young readers here may not relate to this as well as we older folks can. Time passes and I am Terry Plasket. It is at moments like this we seem to be able to prioritize our lives a little easier. I liked my cat, not everyone did especially Joober who was often on the receiving end of a playful swat, but I liked my cat. In the past few years I didn't spend as much time with her as I once did, she was kinda independent but she was there in my life regardless. Cats are like that. Hell, pets are like that. I swear my next pet will be a Galapagos Turtle, something that will outlive me.

So I feel a little more empty tonight, reflective and fortunate. Fortunate to have had this 5lb ball of gray hair give me so much unconditional love, fortunate to have had this animal listen to my rants with righteous indifference, fortunate to have had this 'marker' a part of my life. I hope I can be as good a marker for anyone who wants it.

A special thanks to Susan here for all her strength, support, and compassion. It is a marker for her as well.